![]() October 4, 2023 I made it to Michigan yesterday. I boarded my flight last. Sat in an empty first row with my N95 mask and gloves. If you think traveling was crazy. That is your opinion and you are entitled to it. I was willing to take the risk for complete silence and support from my momma and dad. Also lots of naps ahead. Last night, the crisp air and stars were beautiful to lookup at. I also found a way to give back locally this week. To fellow breast cancer warriors. This Thursday my friend who owns a shop in Milford Dreamy Daze Boutique is holding a pop-up shop. My craft items will be on sale there. I won’t be there in person. I’m avoiding any chance of germs. My mom dropped off my items today. I will be donating a portion of my sales to Michigan’s shade of Pink foundation. Here is more info about the event. Please spread the word local Michigan friends. October 4, 2023 Book your mammogram for ME! Mine was caught by accident during a consultation with a surgeon. I knew right away. Looking at my imaginary something was wrong. I didn’t need a medical degree. During the first mammogram the energy in the room shifted. I knew I would be called back. I didn’t know it would be the next day. I had a strong intuition the biopsy wouldn’t be normal either. This is imaging of my right breast. According to the Mayo Clinic, breast calcifications are usually noncancerous (benign), certain patterns of calcifications — such as tight clusters with irregular shapes and fine appearance — may indicate breast cancer or precancerous changes to breast tissue. Even my surgeon tried to calm my nerves after the biopsy saying it’s a very small percentage that these come back malignant. But I knew deep down inside when I looked at the screen. I just got these back from medical records recently after putting in a request. I document and file everything health related. Chemo round 3 begins Tuesday. It’s a very long road ahead with a double mastectomy in 2024. I’m also getting on a plane to head to Michigan to recover from this round with my immediate family. Hope the leaves are pretty up there. September 22, 2023 Is this it? Is this how I’m going to feel until December? I keep asking myself this question over and over along with many other questions. -What should I be taking? -Is something wrong? -Why is my back hurting so bad when it didn’t 2 weeks ago? Why am I so tired freaking exhausted? On paper I know why. Because toxins have been pumped into my body to kill cancer cells. But I always see myself as different. I’m never really sitting down for too long. I’m always cleaning, playing with the kids, working on a craft project. Doing something! It’s been 10 days since chemo. What I call my “mom super powers” are gone. It’s the ability to push energy out when you have none. My ‘breastie’ and mom have been reminding me to stay active. Walk- do yoga. Something. If you lay stagnant, you will feel that way. Using energy will create energy. I'm trying. And it’s so hard. I'm going to admit I had higher expectations for a bounce back this round. I know many of you will say “give yourself grace.” I'm trying.” I just want to write my truth. This is for me- not you. Not to pretend to kick this thing in the ass every round. I'm understanding why they call it a ‘warrior’ Thank you for the prayers. Please keep them coming. Sending healing white light and energy into my body. September 20, 2023 This week has really been about friends being there for me. Thank you Nicole Smith for coming to get me out of the house. When I didn’t want to. But needed to. To my new ‘breastie’ who I will not name at this time for privacy. Thank you for going to lunch and driving me back from my appointment. My friends texting me when I’m really in an emotionally low place. Phone calls with people I haven’t spoken to in months. It means the world to me to feel loved and supported. Especially to you Tina and you know why. I’m really exhausted. This is very, very, very hard for me right now. Dealing with a new level of normal. Simple tasks knocking me down. It’s also very scary for me. What the next few months will hold. Advocating for myself and setting boundaries of what I can and cant do anymore. I know it’s all apart of the journey. September 15, 2023 Up early getting fluids and pain medication. Extremely tired and can’t wait to get back into bed. The nurses here are so caring and sweet. Helps when you are stressed out and just wanna sleep. Bone pain is deep today. September 16, 2023 It’s hard to believe this photo is actually of me. I can’t imagine how hard it is for my parents to see my balding head. Watching how tired and weak my muscles are. Parents shouldn’t have to endure that. I know it’s part of my journey and this is my bad week. Thankful to feel loved in this moment. Next round I’ll be in a hammock surrounded by beautiful shades of orange and brown leaves. 🍁 September 12, 2023 Today was round 2 of chemo and I got to sit with my new ‘bresties’ for 2 hours while we had our infusions. I’m so grateful to make friends through a situation like this. It helps me look forward to infusion day knowing I get to see them. After Covid, Many hospitals stopped allowing guests in. So it gives people the chance to connect with other people healing In the same space. Although, I would prefer not to go through this. I feel like the ‘old’ me is back again. On a social level…Before being a mom. Which can be very isolating at times. I’m forced to have ‘Me’/alone time. I get to meet and talk to new people in the hospital. I missed this socialization. It gives me energy and positivity again. Something I really need right now. These ladies will be at the pop-up fundraiser in November with me. I can’t wait. I won’t lie- I’m anxious what will happen after Tuesday. That is when the side effects kick in. I’m drinking as much water as I possibly can to flush out the kidneys and make sure I’m not dehydrated. Wish me luck. September 7, 2023 Well the new haircut didn’t last long! Another lesson learned in the battle: - Cut your hair short as soon as you are diagnosed. - Prepare to shave it about 12 days after chemo starts. I went with AJ and I did it. I cried a little, but my barber Samantha was great at distracting me with conversation. I have to admit…I don’t hate it. It feels amazing in the shower and putting aloe on it. Believe it or not. The scalp reallllllyyy hurts while the hair falls out. From what I read. It will hurt until I go fully bald. The best part of this experience was Adeline’s excitement to see my hair. Miss Jen showed her a picture so we could prepare her. As soon as I picked her up today, she said “mommy can I see your new hair?” I pulled off my scarf and she said “Oh my, mom that’s amazing. I love your flower!” She ran in the house and said “Dad, dad come see mommy’s hair with a flower.” Laying in bed tonight she said “Mom, I’m so proud of your flower.” “If you water it. It will grow and your hair will grow and you will feel better.” My heart could burst. The kids did see the bruising from my biopsy. So we told them mom has boo-boos and the doctor is going to fix them. Adeline even recognizes my surgeon Dr. Scwartz from promotion photos. 😂 Jacob told me my hair was cool and enjoyed rubbing my hair in the car when I picked him up from Jen’s. So here is my new look…. I also added some bald baby photos. It took me forever to grow hair. Hopefully this round doesn’t take forever. September 5, 2023 “Dear Chemo, you will not pressure me into shaving my head yet. I’m not ready. Im taking this journey at my pace. “ Thank you to my glam squad @keuneacademyby124 today Make up by - @cosmo.by.kerri Hair - @glamiflyqueen Hair- @kayleigh.kummer Story by @bethgalvintv with FOX 5 to come soon. September 2, 2023 I’m slowly overcoming the wrath of the first round of chemo. I’ve been able to drive the kids to school and spend more time as a family this weekend. I’m still trying to rest as much as possible because I caught a small cold from the kids. Thank you for all the meals and tea sent! My next infusion is the 12th. Im planning on getting a massage and doing some meditations to mentally prepare. I’m extremely scared to feel horrible again. This round my parents will be here to take care of me and AJ will take the kids to his parents house. I find it easier to relax without the kids in the house. The kids seeing me sick has been another big challenge for me mentally. They are noticing mom is sleeping more and they are going to Miss Jen’s more often. Luckily, they are loving school and that has been a new adventure for both of them. My scalp is feeling extremely bruised which makes me think my hair is going to begin to fall out soon. The doctor said to expect that to happen about 2-3 weeks after the first treatment. On Sunday, some wonderful gals in town are helping me capture some photos before the physical transition takes place. I’m blessed to have wonderful people in my community who care to help me capture my journey. August 26, 2023 I've asked a special friend of mine Don Simmons to make a meditation for my healing as I go through chemo. I did a fast edit and uploaded to YouTube- https://youtu.be/vuJwq6J5RB4 I first met Don when I moved to Atlanta and would attend his Saturday Crystal Bowl Meditations. He has always had a close place in my heart. I have never met someone who is so down to Earth and centered, yet knows how to find peace in this crazy world we live in. Don wears a LOT of hats. He is a Shamanic Practitioner, a Therapeutic Sound Practitioner, and Meditation Teacher (over 25 years / trained with Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh & Jon Kabat-Zinn, PhD) Check out his website- You will not be dissapointed. https://www.donreedsimmons.com/ I'm so grateful he took the time to make this for me. I know he is very busy. Please consider a donation to his page and learn more about him. Sound Healing is real! His Venmo - @Gurudon or DonateAlso excited to share I ordered my first singing bowl so that I can do my meditations at home or in the yard. August 26th 2023 The hardest part of this journey is giving myself permission to lay in bed and rest. I can’t help but feel guilt. I have a 3 and 4 year old and this is absolutely SO hard to feel so tired I can’t help put some clothes out, or make them breakfast without feeling like I ran a marathon. I’m trying to give myself Grace because I didn’t know what to expect. Obviously it’s not ‘chemo day’ that will be the worst. It’s the following days that hurt the most. Thanks for the support and prayers. Need them most right now. Every couple hours is a battle hoping I have a burst of energy or feel pain free. I’m thankful my neurologist took the time to talk to my oncologist today. Even though he didn’t have to. Having MS is making this journey even scarier to face. I spoke with the nurses twice today. I know I’m in good hands and have to trust. Journal Entry by A.J. Willen — August 23, 2023Round one of chemo went well yesterday. Jen is just now starting to feel some of the associated symptoms, but doing well. She's making a lot of great, new friends along the way and is very thankful for all of her doctors & nurses and, most of all, thankful for all the support we're getting from all of you. Keep the prayers coming and we'll have this cancer beat-down very soon! Aug 17, 2023 Today was hard. The Surgeon put my port in for chemo treatment and antibodies. My body is tired, but my mind won’t stop going. I can’t get comfortable in bed. I know this is just one of many hard days to come. #PrayerWarriors come through tonight. #breastcancer #oncology #breastcancerSurvivor I need advice. Other pics are me at the Salt cave yesterday. I went in to meditate and say a short prayer. I’ll definitely go back when I feel better. My new sacred space. https://saltvillegrotto.com Aug 13, 2023 What a weekend. Saturday as an emotional night for me as I continued to research HER2 + and all that goes with it. I watched a few TikTok videos and have built connections with other women who are going through, or went through this battle. Two things stood out that really made me anxious and emotional. #1 the port and #2 My hair is going to fall out. In the past 4 years, you know I rarely wear makeup anymore and my signature look is a baseball cap. I began to dwell on: "Should I cut my hair short now, so it doesn't shock me when my hair falls out?" "Should I wait and then shave it with some cool Planet designs?" "Should I go wig shopping?" So many emotions. Then, I began to think about the double mastectomy. I’ve never been the girl who needed to stuff her bra. I remember even making my mom roll up a piece of paper and give me a 'diploma certificate' when I got my first training bra.🤣 She probably doesn’t even remember this. - But I do. I was so ‘proud’ I was becoming a ‘woman” (Ha!) I never needed, nor wanted implants. I heard horrible stories about them. I was grateful I didn't need to consider it. Well here I’am. Deciding what to do. I haven’t even had my 40th birthday. I still want to look and feel like a woman. I don’t have the recovery time in my favor to do the Fat Transfer Augmentation surgey. I have 2 kiddos I need to get healthy for. So I decided impants is what I’m going to do. Please respect that decision, even if you don’t. I’m not seeking advice on “If” I should. I’m in a rock & a hard place. On Sunday morning I woke up and went to church with Adeline for the first time in a very, very long time. I’m beyond exhausted as it is with Multiple Sclerosis. Getting the kids ready for church was just not on my agenda. I would chat with God and meditate in my own ways over the last few years. It works for me. Before I was diagnosed. I had already had plans to put the kids at Graystone Church in a 2 day a week school. I met Karen the church director and Maria Jacob’s new teacher. Maria is angel sent from God. Maria also has a child on the spectrum so I knew this was a good fit for us. Fast forward two weeks. I get my diagnosis. I came in to church just to drop off the registration paperwork. I explained the 'caner news' so they would not be shocked by any physical changes coming my way. Moments later, several people gathered around in a circle. We prayed together as a group. Everyone had a hand on me. It felt powerful and I knew God had sent me to the place we needed to be. Religion and Church groups can be very instense down South to say the least. I grew up ‘old school’ Catholic and I have really struggled to find that right fit becoming an adult. My beliefs don’t always align perfectly with the Bible’s teachings. For example, I do believe God makes you who you are. You can’t control who you love- Man or Woman. I believe we should love and accept everyone for who they are. So as you can imagine, it was hard to make that step into a new church today. But I had two ‘signs’ today that helped me overcome that anxiety. In the car I heard a Song by Matt Stell and this verse stood out to me. I've never been one to ask for help If I need a mountain moved, I move it myself I ain't the church pew regular, twice on Sunday Quote you the scripture kind I'm far from a preacher But I'm a believer. I do believe God is in charge. Whatever the outcome will be. I'm hoping it is here with my husband and kids for a longer time on Earth. I’m depending on him for some strength right now. Because Wheww I’m struggling. The second sign was a song sung in church by Shane & Shane. You've Already Won. Thank you again for all the prayers and thoughts. To be continued... Journal Entry by Jennifer Willen — August 10, 2023Hello everyone, First, I want to thank you for sending prayers and positive energy our way. I can't believe I'm even writing a blog about having cancer. This blog was a wonderful idea given to me by Aj's cousin Scott. It's been overwhelming getting texts, emails, calls - asking many of the same questions. I noticed how exhausting it can get telling the story over & over again. So hopefully you can jump on here to read updates if you like. Where do we start? Well, about 3 weeks ago I went to a breast surgeon to have a consultation about having a breast reduction. Some of you know that I already have Multiple Sclerosis and deal with chronic pain. My back is always hurting. I didn't know if the pain was Multiple Sclerosis related or maybe my breast size. So I thought, why not go talk to the doctor? As a part of the consultation you are required to get a mammogram before they proceed with your reduction surgery. After 2 mammograms and a biopsy- they confirmed I have breast cancer. Not what we expected to hear. I was thinking we would be setting up a surgery date. I have No lumps, no symptoms. nothing to indicate cancer. I got the diagnosis on Monday. Today I was given my pathology report that confirms I have HER2-positive. This is an aggressive form, but not the worst. So, my treatment plan as of now is starting with chemotherapy. Next week my mom will come to town to help me. I will be getting an MRI, Ultrasound, CT scan, Bone density scan next week. (Because I know all you medical nerds will ask me..what's next :) ) On Thursday, they will also be surgically putting in a port for my Chemo therapy. As it stands now, I will have chemo therapy for 16 weeks. The hope is to shrink the cancer before doing a mastectomy. (I will probably do a double) We have to see how the cancer responds before considering any surgery. At this time we do not know if this has spread to other areas of the body. Scans and other imaging will help determine that. I will try to update on here often. Please be understanding if I don't get back to you in text or phone calls. There are many waves of emotions going on. It's been the longest week of my life. Many of you are asking how to help us. Please continue to pray Keep up the humor. Laughter is the best medicine for me. Pray for the kiddos- both are going to start at Graystone Church this month. Which has been so supportive and did a prayer circle around me today. Pray for AJ who has the weight of the world on his shoulders. Juggling work, kids, my MS, now cancer. Obviously we are going to be using our angel Jennifer Thorton for more child care...so pray for her too!
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12/27/2024 12:58:54 am
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